What if the way we love shapes the way we lead?

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I've fallen-hard.
In relationships. In leadership. In trying to do the right thing and failing anyway. I've stayed in situations far past their expiry date, and I've also walked away too quickly, out of fear, pride, or not knowing how to handle what was in front of me.

Sometimes it was beautiful. Sometimes it was a slow, silent unraveling that left me ashamed, confused, and unsure of who I was to a certain degree.

And while the business world would prefer I keep that private-tucked behind leadership jargon and professional armor-I've come to see that everything I've learned about leading people has come through learning (and failing) to love them.

Yes, love. Not strategy. Not charisma. Not KPIs.

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A Different Kind of Leadership School

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Petar Dunov, the Bulgarian spiritual teacher also known as Beinsa Douno, believed that love is the foundation of evolution-not just spiritual, but social and personal. He wrote:

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"Love brings life, wisdom brings light, and truth brings freedom."
And I can't think of three things more needed in business right now: life, light, and freedom.

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In Dunov's teachings, love is a force of becoming. It's not sentimentality. It's a conscious act of aligning with something higher, even when our egos are kicking and screaming. According to him (and I'm paraphrasing), if one is not growing in love, one is not growing at all.

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And that got me thinking:
What if love is the most underdeveloped leadership skill we have?
And what if we approached it not as something you "have" or "don't have," but something you train-like a muscle, or a mindset?

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In Dunov's teachings, love is a force of becoming. It's not sentimentality. It's a conscious act of aligning with something higher, even when our egos are kicking and screaming. According to him (and I'm paraphrasing), if one is not growing in love, one is not growing at all.

I've loved people deeply. And I've hurt people-sometimes without realizing until much later, sometimes knowing I was doing it and not being able to stop myself. That's hard to admit. But it's the truth.

So why am I putting this here, on a platform where we're usually supposed to talk about "leadership lessons" and "impact" and "growth"?

Because I'm starting to believe that love-how we give it, receive it, withhold it, screw it up-is deeply tied to how we show up in business.

Maybe even more than we'd like to admit.

I'm Not Sure When I Started Making This Connection.

It might've been when a client shared a struggle with their team and ended the story with, "Well, it comes with the territory."

It sounded familiar-because I've said it too. About conflict, loneliness, disappointment. About the sense that leadership demands a kind of emotional isolation.

But what if it doesn't have to?

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What if the territory of leadership isn't just strategy, performance, and decision-making, but heartbreak, guilt, grace, and learning how to keep loving when it's messy?
What if the best practice ground for leadership isn't in an MBA program, but in how we navigate relationships -romantic or otherwise?

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Love Isn't Just Romance-It's the Way We Choose to Show Up

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Psychologist Dr. Brené Brown says that vulnerability is courage, not weakness.

Tony Robbins talks about how "success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure."

And honestly, in my experience, every meaningful leadership trait-resilience, empathy, self-awareness, patience-was sharpened not at work, but through love.

Or loss. Or shame. Or starting over.

And the truth is... I'm still learning. I don't have all the answers.

Sometimes I catch myself emotionally withdrawing at work because of something that's actually rooted in my personal life.

Sometimes I try to "lead" by fixing or managing emotions instead of sitting in discomfort with someone.

Sometimes I fear being too much, or not enough, or just plain unlovable-yes, even at work.

And maybe that's something more of us feel than we let on.